five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Its about making memories worth repressing
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
