Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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