spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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