So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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