Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize