woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
