When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
