Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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