we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
These tits shall not be calmed
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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