i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My balls are so social today.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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