I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
