Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
