it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
