Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
