i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
