She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
