hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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