I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
