i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
