I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize