If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
tell me about the fingering
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