my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
