He is an equal opportunity slut.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
