Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
