I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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