11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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