i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
