i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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