My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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