Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i think im in europe. pls send help
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
