I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
