I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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