Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
