FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
