the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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