I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize