when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
