Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
