Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
