The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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