turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
