were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
