It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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