Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
how does that bad decision feel?
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