im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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