he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
