I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
