white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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