wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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