what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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