That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
