Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
