i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize