somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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