I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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