So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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