Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Found your dick twin last night
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
