So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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