I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize