My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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