Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
