...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
