i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
