If that was your dad, he is hot
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Vodka?
Forever.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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