Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
